Performed by E. J. Campfield
Secular Wedding Officiant
Ordained Humanist Minister, American Humanist Association
SERVING the GULF COAST
-- Northwest Florida --
Pensacola • Pensacola Beach • Perdido Key • Navarre Beach
Gulf Breeze • Ft. Walton Beach • Destin • So. Walton Co. Beaches
-- South Alabama --
Gulf Shores • Orange Beach • Fairhope • Mobile • Dauphin Island
Point Clear • Daphne • Ft. Morgan • Spanish Fort • Bay Minette

(251) 929-1961
Call or e-mail for available dates & times.

Some Things You Should Consider
When Planning Your Wedding...

As a secular humanist minister & wedding officiant, nothing I do is Bible or religion-based, and I make no references to God or Christ or any other religious deities or supernaturalism in the ceremonies I perform. But that does not mean that my ceremonies aren't spirited and heart-felt.

If there are certain rituals that are more cultural than religious which you would like to incorporate, or scriptural passages that are particularly meaningful to you, I can work with them. I like to include all cultural views and traditions, but I draw the line at religious dogma, especially if it is judgmental, non-egalitarian and condemnational or if it comes from anywhere other than an attitude of love and acceptance.

What you choose to include in your wedding ceremony should always truly come from your heart and not from habit, obligation, or fear of what someone else might think or pass judgment on you about. It's always best to live in the truth...your own truth.

TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS... I often tell couples that producing a wedding isn't much different than producing a stage play or a movie. The bride and groom are the stars of the show, and the guests are the audience. Other members of the wedding party and officiant are the supporting cast. There is a production crew, a budget and financial backers, a timeline and a script. There are costumes, props and a set. The analogy could even extend to writing, rehearsing, performing, lighting, make-up and camera work.

Be sure to have paperwork completed and checks written to your caterer, officiant, photographer, florist, etc., in advance. On the day of the wedding, it's best if you designate a friend to manage money and attend to details for you -- someone who can keep track of contracts, checks and other business matters. Be sure money and paperwork is handled before the ceremony begins, because afterwards you'll be too elated and busy socializing with your guests to want to deal with it.

TRANSPORTATION AND TIMING... Always include a detailed map with your wedding and reception invitations and a contact phone number to call in case your guests get lost enroute. It can be difficult to get around on the Gulf Coast, especially for guests coming in from out of town, and a map is extremely important.

If your wedding is outdoors where there are no chairs or bathroom facilities, don't make guests wait too long for the ceremony to start. This is especially important if there are older people present.

WEATHER AND PHYSICAL COMFORT... If you're planning to have your wedding outdoors in the summer, please consider how brutal the Gulf Coast sun can be this time of year. At 6 or 7 p.m. it can still be in the high 80's and low 90's. Your photographer will be taking pictures of the bride's make-up running down her face. The armpits of the groom's tux will be soaked. Insects will be buzzing around your beautiful wedding cake, which will be melting in the heat. Your guests will be less than comfortable as well.

If you want to marry outdoors, do it early morning, late at night, in the Spring or Autumn, or in a place where there is LOTS of shade.

LOGISTICS... If guests will be mingling when they arrive rather than going directly to their seats, make sure they have a comfortable space in which to do it. Will they have to stand, or will there be seating? Standing for more than a few minutes at a time is miserable for older people and for women wearing high heels. Will they be in the hot sun? Provide shade or shelter. It's also advisable to make refreshments available during this period if at all possible.

Will the bride and groom be mingling with the crowd before the wedding, or will the bride be sequestered in another area? If the wedding is at a large hotel with the guests gathered in the garden and the bride in a room on the 10th floor, be sure the people on the ground (officiant, groom, best man) have a cell phone! Generally, either the officiant, the wedding coordinator (if you've hired one) or a friend will act as a messenger between the "stage" and the "dressing room." It is important that the officiant, the DJ and other players know the exact moment when the bride is ready to begin, when the wedding party will be lining up for processional, etc. The officiant will be able to coordinate most of this for you.

Rehearsals are always a good idea, but it isn't generally necessary for the officiant to attend.

Delegate responsibility! Choose an outgoing, responsible friend to be your personal assistant for the day (the best man is a usually a good choice). He can greet people as they arrive and get them to their seats when the time comes for them to be seated. He can work closely with the officiant to manage "staging" details. He can also be the keeper of documents, checks and other mundane things that a bride and groom shouldn't have to worry about.

SOUND ADVICE... Especially if your ceremony is outdoors, make sure you don't have an audio problem. Before the big day, go to the site and see how well you can be heard. One of you should stand on the spot where you will be standing during the ceremony, and the other stand where the farthest guest will be seated. Speak in a normal tone of voice. Can the farthest guest hear you? If not, you'll need a microphone. If there's wind or water (the gulf surf or a tiny waterfall can interfere with sound), the ceremony will need to be amplified. Your DJ can help with this. If the wedding is at a restaurant, hotel or other public place, microphones will usually be provided. Ask.

YOUR CEREMONY AND HOW TO STAGE IT... The traditional formation in which bride and groom stand before an officiant with their backs to the audience presents a number of problems. First of all, it was designed to focus attention on the officiant and not the couple being married, emphasizing the authority of whatever church or religion the officiant represents. The bride and groom stand (and often kneel) in submission to this authority in order to be married.

But the biggest problem is one of simple staging. The only person whose face can be seen and voice heard clearly is the officiant's. For the audience, all the joy and emotion on the faces of bride and groom are lost, as are their words.

The simplest solution is for the bride and groom to stand facing each other, but turned out slightly toward the audience. This creates a much more enjoyable ceremony for the audience, who can then actually see all the beautiful apparel and flowers and share in the emotions on every face. Your photographer will get far better shots as well.

Very large weddings where the bride and groom have numerous attendants are more challenging. If there is plenty of space at the front, an alternative I occasionally suggest is a V-shaped formation with the officiant on one side and the bride and groom on the other. The bride's attendants and best man can stand with them as shown, and everyone will be seen clearly. In order for everyone to be heard clearly though, it is necessary for bride, groom and officiant all to be wearing miniature cordless FM "lavaliere" microphones, as this formation does not lend itself to sharing a hand microphone. Be sure your DJ or sound person can provide these specialized microphones.

During the ceremony, you don't have to always look at the officiant. Look at each other. Smile, giggle, cry, whisper things to one another. You don't have to be formal or stiff. Make it fun!

Don't worry about remembering your lines. That's why we use the "repeat after me" method.

If you are planning to say any lines or words during the ceremony, rehearse them first. Practice saying your vows to one another and see how it sounds. Many couples write flowery, wordy vows, but when it's time to say them during the ceremony, end up giggling because it sounds so corny then. Practice first. The same is true for any readings - a poem or passage for example - that may be given by a friend. Listen to how it sounds out loud before you commit to using it in the ceremony.

©2008 E. J. Campfield | NonReligiousWeddings.com
ejcampfield@bellsouth.net
(251) 929-1961